Be the Only
Stop ranking yourself and build around what is uniquely yours.
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 95%
Be the Only is Crews's alternative to trying to be the best. He says comparison once pushed him to prove himself through more work, more endurance, and more status. His later rule was to stop competing with other people and recognise that neither he nor the people he admired could become one another. The mechanism changes the reference point: expose what the competition is supposed to prove, identify your distinctive combination of traits and experience, ask whether another person's possessions reveal a real lack, and choose work because you value it. This does not mean ignoring craft or measurable standards. It means that competence develops in service of a distinct contribution rather than an endless attempt to secure self-worth by outranking somebody else.
Origin
Crews says therapy and recovery changed his relationship with work. He stopped competing with others, adopted 'be the only,' and began working because he liked it rather than to prove his worth.
Core principles
- 01Comparison turns work into proof of worth.
- 02A person does not need to reproduce someone else's identity.
- 03Distinctiveness can remove an unwinnable ranking contest.
- 04Enough should be tested against real needs rather than another person's possessions.
- 05Work can come from interest instead of shame.
How to run it
- 1
Expose the contest
Name who or what you are trying to beat and the score you are using. Identify what you imagine victory would prove about you.
Pro tip Look for targets that rise whenever someone else acquires more.
Watch out A useful benchmark is not automatically unhealthy comparison.
- 2
Inventory your combination
List the experiences, abilities, interests, and perspective that combine differently in you. Focus on the combination rather than claiming every element is unique.
Pro tip Ask what colleagues request specifically from you.
Watch out Distinctiveness does not remove the need to improve weak craft.
- 3
Define your version
Describe the work, role, or style that expresses that combination clearly. Stop designing your path as an imitation of the current leader.
Pro tip Use a concrete output, not a personality slogan.
Watch out Being different without serving anyone is not automatically valuable.
- 4
Test what is missing
Ask whether another person's house, relationships, status, or output reveals a real unmet need in your life. Remove goals that exist only to keep pace.
Pro tip State the practical benefit the extra status item would add.
Watch out Do not use contentment to avoid a genuine financial or personal need.
- 5
Work from interest
Choose the next piece of work because it develops or expresses your contribution, not because it repairs your worth. Revisit the contest whenever proving returns.
Pro tip Track whether the task leaves you interested or merely relieved.
In the wild
Crews names Dwayne Johnson and Kevin Hart as people he admires while insisting that he cannot be them and they cannot be him. He notes that scripts now request a 'Terry Crews type,' illustrating his claim that a distinct identity can become its own category.
→ He describes less pressure and a shift toward working because he likes the work.
A designer notices that every portfolio choice imitates a more famous peer. She combines her accessibility experience, illustration style, and sector knowledge into one specialised service, then measures whether clients value that contribution rather than whether her follower count catches up.
→ Her development has a distinctive customer-facing direction instead of a moving status target.
Common mistakes
Using uniqueness to excuse weak work
A distinct identity still needs competence and value; 'only' is not immunity from standards.
Claiming every trait is unique
The useful distinction is often the combination of common traits, experiences, and choices.
Replacing one status label with another
If being unique becomes another ranking contest, the comparison mechanism remains intact.
Is it for you?
Best for
Creators and professionals whose motivation has become dominated by comparison, status, or proving their worth.
Not ideal for
Tasks with objective safety, legal, or performance standards where uniqueness cannot replace competence.
From the transcript
“i stopped competing with people and i said don't try to be the best be the only”
“there's only one terry crews”
“now i'm working because i like it i'm not working because i gotta prove it”
From the episode
Terry Crews: How My Porn Addiction Nearly Ended My Marriage