Date Like It Is Your Job
Run a focused dating campaign with volume, preparation, and review.
- Difficulty
- Advanced
- Time to result
- ~months to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 99%
Taraban compares seeking a loving, secure, peaceful relationship with seeking a rare job that is well paid, low stress, and meaningful. Define the relationship outcome, choose a bounded campaign of several months, and create enough appropriate opportunities that rejection does not end the search. Prepare as a job candidate would: improve presentation, practice conversations, understand the environment, and seek coaching if useful. Track activity and stage-by-stage outcomes, then run small tests rather than repeating the same approach blindly. The goal is not indiscriminate volume or treating people as applications. It is to give a difficult search sustained attention, learn from real outcomes, and reduce the years lost to occasional, unsupported attempts.
Origin
When asked what he would tell a 35-year-old man struggling to find a relationship, Taraban compares the search with making job hunting a temporary job. Extracted from The Diary of a CEO.
Core principles
- 01A rare combination of relationship qualities requires a serious search.
- 02Rejection is an expected cost of selection rather than proof of failure.
- 03Preparation and coaching can improve execution.
- 04Concentrated effort may shorten years of intermittent searching.
How to run it
- 1
Define the role
State the few relationship qualities and life direction that matter most. Separate essentials from preferences that merely shrink the pool.
Pro tip Use criteria you can explain without describing a perfect person.
Watch out Do not reduce a partner to a scorecard.
- 2
Bound the campaign
Choose a focused period and an activity level compatible with work, health, and safety. The campaign should be serious but sustainable.
Pro tip Schedule review dates before the campaign begins.
Watch out Massive action is not permission for spam or harassment.
- 3
Prepare deliberately
Improve honest presentation, profile quality, conversation practice, and knowledge of the environments you use. Seek feedback or coaching where a specific weakness persists.
Pro tip Prepare differently for apps, introductions, and in-person events.
Watch out Preparation should not become endless avoidance.
- 4
Create opportunities
Use several appropriate channels and initiate enough respectful interactions to obtain meaningful feedback. Accept that most attempts may not progress.
Pro tip Favor repeatable environments aligned with your real interests and desired partner.
Watch out Respect every decline immediately.
- 5
Run small tests
Compare variations in channel, presentation, timing, and invitations while keeping the desired relationship outcome stable. Use patterns rather than isolated reactions.
Pro tip Track the first funnel stage that changes.
Watch out Do not optimize manipulative tactics simply because they produce attention.
- 6
Review fit and wellbeing
At each review point, assess outcomes, energy, conduct, and whether the campaign still serves the relationship you want. Adjust intensity or pause when needed.
Pro tip Success includes learning that a criterion or channel is wrong for you.
Watch out Persistent distress is a reason to seek support, not merely increase volume.
In the wild
A 35-year-old sets a twelve-week campaign with two social events and a limited number of thoughtful app conversations each week. They improve their profile, practice making clear invitations, and review where interactions stop every fortnight. When app conversations are plentiful but dates are scarce, they test earlier, specific invitations rather than simply buying more exposure.
→ A vague hope becomes a bounded learning process with enough evidence to improve the real bottleneck.
Common mistakes
Confusing volume with entitlement
More attempts do not create an obligation for anyone to reply, meet, or continue.
Searching without preparation
Taraban's job analogy includes improving interviewing, research, and fit rather than sending identical applications forever.
Keeping every criterion
An overloaded definition of the ideal partner can make the search needlessly improbable.
Is it for you?
Best for
Adults who want a relationship but have been relying on occasional attempts, chance encounters, or an unstructured app routine.
Not ideal for
People who do not currently want to date, lack capacity for a sustained campaign, or need safety or clinical support first.
From the transcript
“date like it's your job”
“you might have to send out 200 resumés”
“treat it like a scientist do do the AB testing”
From the episode
The Dating Doctor: "Start Dating Like It's Your Job!", "Dating Apps Are Impacting Us More Than We Realise!"