Deliberate Re-Seeing Practice
Restore appreciation by looking closely at what habit has flattened
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 97%
Deliberate Re-Seeing Practice addresses de Botton's claim that habit swallows wonder. Choose something familiar—a partner, tree, fruit, room, or routine object—and look at it as though you do not already know what it is. Reduce distraction, stay with the subject beyond the first wave of boredom, and describe concrete details that the generic label normally hides. De Botton points to children, art, and a Buddhist scroll of six persimmons as models of sustained attention. The purpose is not to pretend that everything is endlessly exciting. It is to strengthen the capacity to draw more from what is already present before assuming that additional stimulation is the only answer. In relationships, temporary distance may also renew perspective, but careful looking is the reusable core: appreciation depends partly on the method of attention, not only on acquiring a new object or experience.
Origin
Extracted from The Diary of a CEO. Alain de Botton links art, childhood wonder, and a Buddhist persimmon exercise to the trainable skill of seeing familiar things afresh.
Core principles
- 01Habit can make familiar things feel fully known before they have been closely seen
- 02More stimulation cannot compensate indefinitely for weak attention
- 03Sustained looking is a trainable skill
- 04Art can model a method of careful attention rather than merely provide an object to consume
How to run it
- 1
Choose the Familiar
Select one person, natural object, artwork, or ordinary thing that habit has compressed into a label. Keep the scope narrow.
Pro tip Start with something simple enough to observe without preparation.
- 2
Remove Novelty Competition
Set aside the phone and competing media. Decide on a period in which changing the subject is not the immediate response to boredom.
- 3
Look Past the Label
Describe colours, textures, movements, expressions, changes, and associations. Ask what the shorthand label made you stop noticing.
Pro tip Borrow the curiosity of someone encountering it for the first time.
Watch out When observing a person, preserve their privacy and autonomy.
- 4
Stay Through Boredom
Continue after the obvious details are exhausted. Let the difficulty of sustained attention become part of the exercise.
Pro tip De Botton cites contemplating six persimmons for an hour as an extreme model, not a required duration.
- 5
Record the Rediscovery
Write or say what became newly visible and whether appreciation changed. Repeat before escalating to more stimulation.
Pro tip Use art as a record of how another person looked carefully.
Watch out Attention cannot solve every relational or practical problem.
In the wild
De Botton describes a medieval Buddhist scroll depicting six persimmons and says a Buddhist sage might look at them for an hour. The sparse subject exposes the urge to change channels and makes sustained attention itself the practice.
→ The observer trains the capacity to derive more from a simple, already-present subject.
Illustrative example: rather than planning a novel date immediately, someone spends ten quiet minutes noticing their partner's expressions and the details of a familiar story. They write down three things their usual category of 'my partner' had obscured.
→ Familiarity remains, but attention recovers specific interest and tenderness.
Common mistakes
Pretending Novelty Never Matters
The transcript also discusses distance and hotels as ways familiarity can be interrupted. The practice reduces dependence on novelty; it does not ban it.
Using Appreciation to Avoid Problems
Looking carefully should not become a reason to ignore incompatibility, resentment, or necessary change.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for people who notice that familiarity has reduced appreciation in relationships or everyday life.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal for denying genuine incompatibility, boredom caused by unmet needs, or circumstances that require practical change.
From the transcript
“habit swallows everything up”
“The goal is to learn to appreciate more of what we've already seen.”
“learning to see and to appreciate is a skill”
From the episode
The Love Expert: We've Built A Loveless Society & It's Making Us Depressed! (here's the fix!) Alain De Botton