Hit Send Now
Share a small hurt promptly in writing before resentment hardens
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 99%
In a chapter he calls Hit Send Now, Sexton recommends sharing a concern promptly when something in the relationship has landed badly. He suggests email because writing gives the sender time to choose accurate words, edit out blame, and explain the issue without demanding an immediate response. The recipient is invited to reflect rather than defend on the spot. The method only works when both people agree that candid messages are acts of care and when each is willing to receive what they ask the other to receive. Its mechanism is reducing delay and pressure at the same time: a small hurt becomes discussable before it accumulates, while asynchronous delivery lowers the chance that poor phrasing controls the conversation.
Origin
Extracted from The Diary of a CEO
Core principles
- 01Prompt clarity is safer than accumulated resentment
- 02Writing allows careful wording and revision
- 03The recipient should not be forced into an immediate defense
- 04The practice must work in both directions
How to run it
- 1
Capture the specific moment
Describe the event or behavior that unsettled you while it is still clear and bounded.
Pro tip Focus on one incident rather than compiling a historical case.
- 2
Draft for accuracy
Write what happened, how it affected you, and what you hope the two of you can understand.
Pro tip Edit words such as ‘always’ and ‘never’ unless they are literally accurate.
- 3
Lower the response pressure
State that your partner can reflect and does not have to answer immediately.
Watch out Asynchronous communication should not become a way to avoid all direct conversation.
- 4
Send before resentment grows
Share the message while the issue is still a concern that can be discussed rather than a grievance being prosecuted.
Pro tip Prompt does not mean impulsive; revise first.
- 5
Receive reciprocally
When your partner uses the same method, read for the care and information beneath the discomfort before replying.
Pro tip Reflect back what you understood before defending your intent.
In the wild
A partner notices that a recent interaction landed badly but knows a spontaneous confrontation may come out unclearly. They write a short message describing the moment, its effect, and their wish to discuss it, while making clear that no immediate reply is necessary.
→ The issue is surfaced early without forcing an instant defensive exchange.
Common mistakes
Sending an unedited accusation
The method uses writing to improve precision, not to deliver a longer attack.
Demanding an immediate answer
Removing response pressure is part of what differentiates the practice from a confrontation.
Is it for you?
Best for
Partners who communicate more precisely in writing and need time to process feedback.
Not ideal for
Urgent safety issues, coercive partners, or complex disputes that require real-time or professional support.
From the transcript
“Sharing with your partner kind of promptly when something has rattled you the wrong way.”
“You don't have to answer right away. You don't have to be defensive.”
From the episode
The Divorce Expert: 86% of People Who Divorce Remarry! Why Sex Is Causing Divorces! If They Say This, Do Not Marry Them!