The Identity Menu
Pick three core values off a menu, then weekly-review how aligned you actually lived
- Difficulty
- Starter
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 90%
Most people can't say what their values are, so they drift into society's defaults (money, status, a Lamborghini). The Identity Menu fixes this: from a list of possible identities and values, choose the three that feel most true to you — or start with just one. Then each week, ask honestly how often you lived in accordance with that value and how often you didn't. It is not about guilt or an unattainable ideal; it is gentle, compassionate probing that closes the gap between who you say you are and who you actually are. Chatterjee's own three are integrity, curiosity and compassion, sitting at the top of his profile.
Origin
Chatterjee created the exercise for readers who know they aren't living their values but have no idea where to start, drawing on his realisation that awareness is the first step in any change.
Core principles
- 01You can't become who you want to be until you know who you are now.
- 02Start with one value if three feels like too much.
- 03Weekly review is honesty and awareness, not guilt or shame.
- 04Values, not roles, define you — roles are fragile identities.
How to run it
- 1
Choose your values from the menu
Scan a list of possible identities/values and pick the three (or one, to start) that feel most true to you.
Pro tip Three is a realistic number; one is a fine starting point.
- 2
Run a weekly alignment review
At week's end, ask how often you lived in accordance with each value and how often you didn't.
Pro tip Take one concrete step — e.g. phone a best mate for ten minutes — to move toward alignment.
Watch out Don't turn it into self-flagellation; the point is gentle awareness.
- 3
Reassess and build up
Revisit the values periodically; add up to three as the practice settles in.
In the wild
Chatterjee's three values have stayed static for months and now lead his public profile, so he leads with values rather than roles like 'doctor' or 'father'.
→ He can tell when he is out of alignment and course-correct, rather than clinging to a fragile role-identity.
Common mistakes
Clinging to roles as identity
Defining yourself as 'the doctor' or 'the good father' makes you fragile: getting fired, retiring, or a teenager calling you a bad parent then shatters your sense of self.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone who suspects they're chasing the wrong things but can't name their values.
Not ideal for
People looking for a prescriptive answer rather than a self-inquiry.
From the transcript
“which three do you think feel kind of the most true to you”
“you're never going to become the person who you want to be until you know who is the person you are right now”
From the episode
Dr Rangan Chatterjee: 3 Steps To "Core" Happiness
Dr Rangan Chatterjee