Love-as-Self Decision Rule
Treat another person as you would want to be treated in their position
- Difficulty
- Advanced
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 95%
Hoffman's practical ethical rule begins with his metaphysical view that other people are the same underlying consciousness viewed through different headsets. When deciding how to act, he asks the person to imagine that the other is oneself and then ask how one would want to be treated in that position. He also offers a belief-level filter: teachings centered on loving one's neighbor point in the right direction, while those that create a righteous us and a bad them probably point in the wrong direction. This is a decision rule grounded in Hoffman's spiritual interpretation, not a scientific result established by the episode. Applied carefully, it supports dignity and non-condemnation while leaving room for boundaries, safety, disagreement, and accountability; unconditional regard need not mean unconditional access or approval.
Origin
Extracted from The Diary of a CEO
Core principles
- 01Hoffman's worldview treats apparent separateness as different perspectives of one consciousness
- 02A belief that divides good insiders from bad outsiders is a warning sign
- 03Love is expressed through conduct rather than a label
- 04Another person's humanity remains even when boundaries or accountability are needed
How to run it
- 1
Interrupt judgment
Notice the impulse to condemn, dehumanize, or divide people into worthy and unworthy groups. Pause before turning that impulse into speech or action.
Pro tip Name the behavior you object to without defining the whole person by it.
- 2
Switch perspectives
Imagine encountering the situation through the other person's history, needs, and constraints. Do not pretend to know facts that are unavailable.
Pro tip Ask what information your own headset may be hiding.
Watch out Perspective-taking does not require accepting another person's account as true.
- 3
Ask the self-treatment question
Ask how you would want to be treated if you occupied that position. Translate the answer into one concrete act of dignity, fairness, or restraint.
- 4
Keep wise boundaries
Separate loving regard from access, trust, agreement, or exemption from consequences. Choose the least dehumanizing boundary that still protects people and responsibilities.
Pro tip State the boundary in behavioral terms.
Watch out Do not use love language to remain in danger.
- 5
Audit the belief
Check whether the rule or ideology guiding you increases care across differences or requires a bad out-group. Reconsider teachings that contradict the love standard.
Pro tip Apply the test to your own group as strictly as to opponents.
In the wild
Hoffman asks the listener to regard a person of another race, creed, or viewpoint as oneself in a different headset. The practical question becomes how one would want to be treated in that person's place, while still permitting disagreement and boundaries.
→ The interaction is guided by dignity rather than reflexive othering.
Common mistakes
Confusing love with permission
Regard for a person does not require approving harmful conduct or abandoning safety boundaries.
Turning oneness into fact
The shared-consciousness premise is Hoffman's stated view, not a conclusion scientifically established in the transcript.
Is it for you?
Best for
Everyday conflicts and belief systems where judgment, contempt, or us-versus-them thinking is shaping conduct.
Not ideal for
Using spiritual oneness to excuse abuse, remove boundaries, or avoid legal and practical accountability.
From the transcript
“If it involves loving your neighbor as yourself, you're on the right track.”
“If that's me, how how how would I treat me?”
From the episode
Top Psychologist & Scientist (Donald Hoffman): Science Has the Answer to Why Seeing True Reality Would Kill You!