Reaction Instead of Feedback
Share your observable reaction without prescribing how another person should be.
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 97%
Buckingham distinguishes attention from feedback that claims to tell another person who they are and how they should behave. In this method, the speaker starts with a specific event and reports a first-person reaction: what the event made them think, feel or experience. The reaction is owned as subjective evidence, so the recipient can discuss it without being told that the speaker possesses the final truth about their character. The speaker then listens and clarifies the outcome that matters, while leaving room for the other person to discover a response that fits their own way of working. This does not mean ignoring facts or withholding attention. It limits the claim to ‘Here is what happened for me’ rather than ‘Here is what is wrong with you, and here is how to become more like me.’
Origin
Buckingham presents the distinction during The Diary of a CEO while challenging conventional workplace feedback.
Core principles
- 01You own your reaction, not an objective truth about another person.
- 02Attention is necessary, but attention and corrective instruction are different.
- 03Specific events are safer evidence than global ratings of personality.
- 04Learning emerges through the person’s interaction and insight, not simple information transfer.
How to run it
- 1
Anchor the event
Identify the particular meeting, action or result you personally observed. Separate that event from a broad trait label.
Pro tip Discuss the event soon enough that both people can remember it.
Watch out Do not open with a rating of the person’s character.
- 2
State your reaction
Explain what you thought or felt when the event happened, using first-person language. Make clear that this is your experience of the event.
Pro tip Use formulations such as ‘When that happened, I felt…’ or ‘It made me think…’
Watch out Do not disguise an accusation as a feeling.
- 3
Stop before prescription
Resist crossing from your reaction into a detailed instruction for how the person should become different. Pause and invite their perspective.
Watch out A tactic that works for you may depend on strengths the other person does not share.
- 4
Clarify the needed outcome
Agree on the consequence, standard or result that needs attention. Keep the outcome clear while allowing more than one authentic route to it.
Pro tip State factual corrections directly when the issue is objectively factual.
- 5
Let insight form
Ask what the person noticed and what they will try. Offer continued attention and review the effect in a future check-in.
Pro tip Treat the next attempt as an experiment rather than proof of identity.
In the wild
A manager says that when the employee interrupted a colleague, it felt to the manager as though the colleague was not being heard and was shut down. The manager owns that reaction rather than declaring the employee an inconsiderate person, then asks how the employee saw the moment and what outcome they want next time.
→ The impact is addressed without turning one event into a total judgment of character.
Common mistakes
Claiming objective access to character
Your observation can support a reaction, but it does not make your interpretation the complete truth about another person.
Prescribing your own style
Detailed instructions can collapse into ‘be more like me.’ Define the outcome while leaving room for a different effective method.
Using the idea to avoid attention
Rejecting conventional feedback does not justify silence. People still need timely attention, reactions and clear standards.
Is it for you?
Best for
Managers and teammates discussing behaviour whose impact they directly observed.
Not ideal for
Correcting an objective factual, legal or safety error where the required standard itself must be stated clearly.
From the transcript
“give people your reaction you own that don't give people feedback”
“people don't want feedback people want attention”
“that's a reaction and people do want a reaction”
From the episode
How To Find Ultimate Fulfilment At Work: Marcus Buckingham