Self-Determination Purpose Triad
Build purpose through autonomy, growing competence, and genuine relatedness
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 99%
The model treats purpose as an experience supported by three measurable conditions: self-direction, stretched competence, and relatedness. First, make choices instead of letting every action be dictated by circumstances or other people's expectations. The perfect choice matters less than exercising authorship. Second, undertake work that tests and develops your abilities; stagnation weakens direction, while visible growth reinforces it. Third, build relationships in which another person encounters something genuine about who you are. These conditions can produce a stronger subjective sense of purpose without requiring a final answer about cosmic meaning. They operate together: autonomy without growth can become aimlessness, competence without autonomy can feel imposed, and solitary achievement without relatedness can remain emotionally thin. Small repeated actions across all three dimensions create the practical foundation.
Origin
Extracted from The Diary of a CEO through Dr. K's application of self-determination theory to purpose.
Core principles
- 01Choosing creates direction even before certainty arrives.
- 02Purpose grows when ability is stretched rather than left static.
- 03Relatedness requires being known by other people.
- 04Subjective purpose can be cultivated without first solving ultimate meaning.
- 05Consistent action matters more than finding a perfect choice.
How to run it
- 1
Exercise autonomy
Make a concrete choice that reflects what you want to explore or build. Treat choosing itself as practice in self-direction.
Pro tip Use a reversible decision if fear of choosing is keeping you stuck.
Watch out Do not confuse autonomy with refusing all responsibility.
- 2
Stretch competence
Choose work slightly beyond your current ability and practice it consistently. Use observable progress to reinforce direction.
Pro tip Aim for a challenge that is demanding but still permits regular wins.
Watch out An impossible target can turn growth into repeated defeat.
- 3
Create relatedness
Connect with someone who can see an authentic part of you. Participate in mutual recognition rather than merely occupying the same social space.
Pro tip Share a real goal, difficulty, or interest with a trusted person.
Watch out Audience attention and superficial contact are not necessarily relatedness.
- 4
Integrate the triad
Plan a recurring activity that combines choice, growth, and connection. Review which dimension is weakest and adjust it.
Pro tip A collaborative learning project can engage all three dimensions at once.
Watch out Do not rely on only one dimension to carry your entire sense of purpose.
In the wild
A directionless designer chooses to publish one small illustration each week, studies a new technique for every piece, and meets monthly with two peers to exchange candid feedback. The project is voluntary, continually stretches skill, and creates authentic connection.
→ The designer develops greater motivation, direction, and social investment.
Steven describes choosing projects, learning through conversations, stretching his abilities, and connecting with guests and audiences. Dr. K identifies these behaviors as an embodiment of self-determination theory rather than evidence that a single cosmic mission has been discovered.
→ The combination supports sustained drive and a strong subjective sense of meaning.
Common mistakes
Waiting for the right choice
Obsessing over a perfect decision prevents the exercise of autonomy that helps create direction.
Staying comfortable
Activity that never stretches competence is less likely to generate growth or renewed purpose.
Treating visibility as connection
Being watched or praised does not guarantee the experience of being genuinely known.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for people who feel unmotivated or directionless but can still take small actions and build relationships.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal for resolving metaphysical questions about whether an objective purpose exists.
From the transcript
“The first is that they have some degree of self-direction.”
“The second thing is that they need a stretching of their competence.”
“And the third thing is a sense of relatedness.”
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