Slippage Check
Catch small changes early and discuss them without blame
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 97%
Sexton calls the gradual accumulation of small disconnections “slippage.” A single missed check-in or impatient exchange may mean little, but a growing pattern can create distance and later appear to culminate in one dramatic reason for divorce. His preventive method is to act while the problem is still a “puddle”: identify an observable change, present it as something to understand rather than something the other person did wrong, ask whether they have noticed it, and explicitly invite feedback about your own role. This framing changes the process from accusation and defence into joint investigation. The aim is not to preserve every old pattern or label all change as bad. It is to keep paying attention, discuss what the change means, and choose a small repair before avoidance makes the conversation harder.
Origin
Extracted from The Diary of a CEO
Core principles
- 01Large ruptures can grow from repeated small disconnections
- 02A change is easier to discuss than an accusation of wrongdoing
- 03Early conversations cost less than accumulated distance
- 04Curiosity reduces defensiveness
- 05Humility creates room for repair
How to run it
- 1
Spot the repeated change
Look for a recurring difference in how the relationship feels or functions, such as less patience or a sharper tone. Separate a pattern from one isolated bad moment.
Pro tip Compare a specific recent period with an earlier pattern you both recognise.
Watch out Do not diagnose your partner's motives from the change.
- 2
Replace wrong with changed
Open by saying that something seems to have changed, not that the other person is doing the relationship wrong. Name the observable behaviour neutrally.
Pro tip Use a question such as whether they have noticed the same shift.
Watch out A neutral phrase will not help if the rest of the conversation is accusatory.
- 3
Invite your share
Say that you may be contributing and ask for honest feedback. This makes the conversation a shared inquiry rather than a case against one person.
Pro tip Apologise first when you can identify a genuine contribution.
Watch out Do not offer a tactical apology that you immediately withdraw or qualify.
- 4
Listen past the first answer
Slow down enough to hear a perspective that may differ from your prediction. Reflect what you understood before moving to solutions.
Pro tip Ask whether your summary matches what your partner meant.
Watch out Rushing to land the conversation can recreate the very pattern under discussion.
- 5
Choose a small repair
Agree on one practical action that restores attention or connection, then revisit whether it helped. Keep the response proportionate to the early-stage problem.
Pro tip A short check-in or a slower problem-solving conversation can be enough to test a repair.
Watch out Do not treat one action as proof that a persistent problem is permanently solved.
In the wild
Sexton models a conversation that notes how the tone of recent fights seems different, asks whether the partner has noticed it, and offers to hear whether he has contributed. The wording avoids declaring that one person is at fault.
→ A potentially defensive argument becomes a joint examination of a changing pattern.
The host notices that he and his fiancée are less patient when solving problems than they were earlier in the relationship. He plays the trend forward and concludes that it deserves a conversation before it becomes their normal way of handling problems.
→ A subtle present-day concern is identified early enough for deliberate repair.
Common mistakes
Waiting for a dramatic incident
Treating each small disconnection as too minor to discuss allows the pattern, rather than any one event, to become the problem.
Opening with blame
Saying the partner is doing something wrong invites defence before the underlying change can be examined.
Assuming change is automatically bad
The later discussion makes clear that change should be noticed and understood, not automatically condemned or celebrated.
Is it for you?
Best for
Couples who notice a gradual change in patience, attention, intimacy, tone, or another recurring interaction.
Not ideal for
It is not designed to handle abuse, coercion, or immediate safety concerns through an ordinary couple conversation.
From the transcript
“Slippage is this gradually increasing number of small disconnections.”
“I'm not accusing you of something. I'm noting that something has changed.”
From the episode
World No.1 Divorce Lawyer: This Is A Sign You’ll Divorce In 10 Years!