The Slippage Early-Warning Loop
Catch small relationship drift before accumulated neglect becomes a rupture
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 99%
Sexton defines slippage as the cumulative effect of many small choices: no single moment appears decisive, but the relationship gradually moves from attention to neglect. The loop starts by noticing repeated distance rather than waiting for a dramatic failure. One partner then names the shared pattern without turning it into an accusation and explains that the concern arises because the relationship matters. Together, the couple chooses a small act that restores attention and watches whether it changes the pattern. The mechanism is early correction. By treating minor disconnection as information instead of either a catastrophe or nothing, partners can act before ordinary omissions accumulate into resentment, estrangement, or a sudden-seeming ending.
Origin
Extracted from The Diary of a CEO
Core principles
- 01Relationship decline often accumulates through small choices
- 02Good intentions do not prevent neglect
- 03A small concern is easier to repair before it becomes a pattern
- 04Naming drift should communicate care rather than assign fault
How to run it
- 1
Spot the raindrops
Notice small, repeated choices that reduce attention, affection, honesty, or shared time.
Pro tip Look for a pattern rather than prosecuting one imperfect day.
- 2
Name the shared drift
Describe the distance as a problem affecting the relationship, not proof that one partner is the problem.
Pro tip Lead with why the relationship is important to you.
Watch out Do not use shared language to obscure coercion or abuse.
- 3
Remove the blame contest
Ask what has absorbed attention and what each person needs, without requiring a single culprit before repair can begin.
- 4
Restore one signal
Choose a small, visible act of attention that both partners can recognize and repeat.
Pro tip Make it specific enough to observe this week.
- 5
Check the trajectory
Review whether connection is returning and raise the concern again if the same omissions continue.
Pro tip The goal is course correction, not one ceremonial gesture.
In the wild
The host describes two chief executives who focused on work and raising their child until their romantic relationship was no longer being tended. Sexton reframes the pattern as losing the plot: a drift that should be acknowledged and addressed without first deciding whose fault it is.
→ The example shows how good people can neglect a relationship through accumulated priorities rather than a single betrayal.
Common mistakes
Waiting for a dramatic event
Slippage is specifically the accumulation that occurs before an obvious crisis.
Opening with blame
An accusation invites defense and hides the underlying message that the relationship matters.
Is it for you?
Best for
Long-term partners whose work, parenting, or routines have displaced attention from the relationship.
Not ideal for
Abusive relationships or acute crises that require safety planning or qualified professional support.
From the transcript
“You just make lots of little choices and those little choices add up.”
“It's just little raindrops that eventually become the flood.”
From the episode
The Divorce Expert: Slippage Is Tearing Marriages Apart! If Kids Are Your Top Priority & You Spot This You’ll Divorce In 1-3 Years!