Stages of Change Cycle
Match support to readiness and treat maintenance slips as recoverable
- Difficulty
- Advanced
- Time to result
- ~months to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 99%
Gottlieb describes change as a progression through precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. In precontemplation, the person may not recognize that change is under consideration. In contemplation, they know but are not ready. Preparation handles logistics and support; action performs the change; maintenance turns it into a sustainable pattern. Her crucial addition is that maintenance is not a flawless upward line. Someone who contacts an ex during a lonely night has slipped, not necessarily erased the breakup. The useful response is to identify the trigger, choose another support for next time, and resume. Self-compassion is paired with accountability: examine what happened and change the plan rather than using shame as the engine.
Origin
Gottlieb discusses the established stages-of-change model while explaining why resolutions often fail when people treat change as one decision followed by success or failure.
Core principles
- 01Change develops through stages rather than one decision
- 02Readiness determines the next useful action
- 03Action is not the end of change
- 04Maintenance includes slips and renewed support
- 05Self-compassion can support accountability better than self-attack
How to run it
- 1
Recognize precontemplation
Look for a change that is not yet consciously owned but is being activated by discomfort, consequences, or another person's example. Focus on awareness rather than forcing action.
Pro tip Notice defensiveness and repeated observations without demanding a commitment.
- 2
Support contemplation
Name the possible change and explore ambivalence. Clarify what staying the same and changing would each cost.
Pro tip Treat not ready as a stage, not proof of moral failure.
- 3
Prepare the move
Arrange logistics, skills, boundaries, and support before acting. Make the intended behaviour concrete enough to execute.
Pro tip Plan for the moment most likely to trigger a return to the old pattern.
- 4
Take action
Perform the defined change, such as ending a relationship, attending a class, applying for a job, or beginning a routine. Record what the action makes harder next.
Pro tip Keep the first action observable and bounded.
- 5
Maintain with recovery
When a slip occurs, identify the trigger and prepare a different response for the next occurrence. Resume the change instead of converting one lapse into total failure.
Pro tip Ask what support was missing at the exact point of the slip.
Watch out Self-compassion should produce learning and renewed action, not denial of consequences.
In the wild
Gottlieb describes someone who has ended an unhealthy relationship but texts the ex during a lonely night. Rather than declaring the breakup failed, the person identifies loneliness as the trigger and plans therapy, a friend, a television show, or a book for the next difficult night.
→ The slip becomes maintenance data and the person returns to the intended change.
Common mistakes
Jumping from thought to action
Skipping preparation can leave predictable triggers, logistics, and support unaddressed.
Calling a slip total failure
Maintenance expects difficulty; the useful question is how to recover and prepare differently.
Using shame as fuel
Gottlieb argues that self-attack may produce a short push but is less useful for accountable long-term adjustment.
Is it for you?
Best for
People changing a recurring behaviour, relationship, job, or health routine who mistake one slip for failure.
Not ideal for
Urgent danger where immediate safety action is required regardless of readiness, or clinical treatment without qualified guidance.
From the transcript
“there are these stages that people go through”
“the next stage is the most important stage, which is maintenance”
From the episode
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