Stand Still Against Gaslighting
Slow the exchange and hold to the reality you remember
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 94%
This framework separates holding your account from winning a debate about it. Fisher defines gaslighting as an intentional effort to alter another person's reality for control or self-protection, while also warning that the term is often applied too broadly to ordinary disagreement. When you reasonably believe that dynamic is occurring, slow the interaction and use a compact statement such as, “I remember that differently.” Then stop. If the person introduces new claims or tries to pull you into frantic self-correction, repeat the same statement rather than chasing each point. The mechanism is conversational stability: fewer words give the other person less material to redirect and help you retain contact with what you know. This is a communication tactic, not a diagnosis or a substitute for safety planning.
Origin
Extracted from The Diary of a CEO.
Core principles
- 01Gaslighting involves an attempt to control another person's account of reality
- 02Speed and frantic self-correction make manipulation easier
- 03A short statement can preserve your position without debating every detail
- 04Repeating your position is different from proving it
How to run it
- 1
Check the distinction
Ask whether this is a disagreement or an apparent attempt to make you doubt your memory, perception, or judgement for someone else's agenda.
Pro tip Do not use the label merely because you dislike what was said.
Watch out You may not be able to determine intent from one exchange.
- 2
Slow the exchange
Pause instead of immediately defending, correcting, or revising your account.
Pro tip Keep your body still and your sentence short.
- 3
State your memory
Say that you remember the event differently without making a long counterargument.
Pro tip Use language about your own recollection rather than claiming certainty you do not have.
- 4
Repeat without chasing
If pressure continues, repeat the same position instead of following each new claim.
Pro tip Consistency is the boundary.
Watch out If the interaction feels threatening or coercive, prioritise leaving and getting support.
In the wild
Fisher modelled a response in which one person says, “I remember that differently,” stops, and repeats it when the other person keeps trying to change the account.
→ The responder avoids being dragged through a series of shifting claims.
Common mistakes
Calling every disagreement gaslighting
Fisher explicitly warned that an unwelcome opinion or a partner describing hurt feelings is not automatically gaslighting.
Chasing every new claim
Long rebuttals can pull you away from the simple account you intended to hold.
Is it for you?
Best for
People who need a simple verbal boundary during a potentially manipulative exchange.
Not ideal for
Emergencies, coercive or abusive situations where disengagement and qualified support are safer than continued dialogue.
From the transcript
“The secret to knowing is slowing down the conversation.”
“Steven, I remember that differently.”
From the episode
The Gaslighting & Conversation Expert: This Is A Sign You’ll Divorce in 10 Years!