Stop-Tend-Report Bullying Response
Interrupt bullying, support the target, then involve an appropriate authority.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 98%
Stop-Tend-Report is the explicit three-step bullying response Wilson says he read about. First, interrupt the behaviour by stating that it is not acceptable, while avoiding an unnecessary fight. Second, tend to the person who was targeted with empathy, compassion, and practical support. Third, report the incident to an appropriate authority so the wider dynamic can be addressed. Wilson values the model because people often treat confrontation as the entire response, leaving the bullied person unsupported and the pattern undocumented. He applies the reflection to bullying he witnessed while growing up and wishes he had possessed the tools to help. The method should be adapted to safety: direct confrontation is not required when it would escalate violence, and urgent danger may require emergency or trained assistance first.
Origin
Wilson recalls reading an unnamed writer's three-step account of responding to bullying and uses it to reconsider incidents he witnessed while growing up.
Core principles
- 01Stopping the aggressor is only one part of a complete response.
- 02The person targeted needs direct empathy and support.
- 03Appropriate authorities need information to address the wider pattern.
- 04Intervention should not create unnecessary physical danger.
How to run it
- 1
Assess safety
Check whether speaking directly is safe for you and the person being targeted. If there is immediate danger, prioritise trained, security, or emergency assistance.
Pro tip Bring in other bystanders when a collective interruption is safer than acting alone.
Watch out Do not create a physical confrontation merely to complete the first step.
- 2
Stop the behaviour
When safe, state plainly that the conduct is not acceptable and should stop. Focus on the behaviour rather than staging a prolonged argument.
Pro tip Use a short sentence that other witnesses can reinforce.
- 3
Tend to the target
Move attention to the person who was targeted. Ask what they need, offer company or practical help, and avoid demanding an immediate public account.
Pro tip Support their agency instead of deciding every next step for them.
- 4
Report the incident
Share relevant facts with the appropriate school, workplace, community, safeguarding, security, or emergency authority. Preserve useful evidence when doing so is safe and lawful.
Pro tip Report observable conduct, time, place, and witnesses rather than speculation about motives.
Watch out Follow applicable safeguarding and emergency procedures where required.
In the wild
Looking back on persistent taunting, teasing, demeaning behaviour, and hierarchies at school, Wilson says he wishes he had known how to support people who were bullied and report the pattern rather than remaining outside the response.
→ The three steps give him a clearer account of what constructive bystanding would have required.
A colleague hears a manager repeatedly humiliating a junior employee. She says the personal attack is not acceptable, checks privately on the employee, records what she witnessed, and reports the pattern through the organisation's formal channel.
→ The response addresses the conduct, the targeted person's immediate needs, and organisational accountability.
Common mistakes
Stopping after confrontation
Wilson's model specifically includes support for the targeted person and reporting after the initial interruption.
Escalating into danger
Wilson explicitly says speaking up need not mean getting into a fight; safety determines the form of intervention.
Reporting speculation
A useful report separates what was observed from assumptions about intent or diagnosis.
Is it for you?
Best for
Bystanders in schools, workplaces, or communities who can act safely and reach an appropriate authority.
Not ideal for
Situations of immediate violence where direct confrontation would increase danger and emergency or trained intervention is required.
From the transcript
“bullying is a three-step process”
“You say, ‘Hey, that's not okay.’ Speak up to the bully.”
“Tend to the bullied. And then report it to an authority.”
From the episode
Rainn Wilson: "I was so unhappy during The Office!" (Dwight Schrute)