Ten Questions to Fall in Like
Trade approachable questions and deepen the answers with follow-ups
- Difficulty
- Starter
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 98%
Ten Questions to Fall in Like is Brooks's classroom adaptation of Arthur Aron's better-known 36-question exercise. Two people take turns asking approachable but revealing questions, such as what they are excited about, what they would like to learn, what can be celebrated about them, or what has recently made them laugh. The list removes the burden of inventing a topic and gives both people permission to share. Its effect does not come from mechanically completing ten prompts. Each answer should generate attentive follow-up questions that personalize and deepen the exchange. Brooks presents the ten questions as a starting point that can help people move up the topic pyramid toward greater vulnerability and connection.
Origin
Brooks says the exercise is a subset of Arthur Aron's 36 Questions to Fall in Love, adapted for her Harvard class as Ten Questions to Fall in Like.
Core principles
- 01Approachable questions can open a path to connection
- 02Both people should answer rather than one person interviewing the other
- 03The first answer is a starting point
- 04Follow-up questions create depth
- 05Vulnerability develops at a tolerable pace
How to run it
- 1
Invite participation
Ask the other person whether they are willing to try a short question exercise. If useful, cite the class or research as a reason for trying it.
Pro tip An external reason can reduce awkwardness when the questions feel unfamiliar.
Watch out Do not pressure someone who declines.
- 2
Start with an accessible prompt
Begin with a question such as what they are excited about lately or what they would like to learn. Choose a prompt that fits the context.
Pro tip Keep one or two favorite prompts ready rather than memorizing all ten.
- 3
Trade answers
Take turns asking and answering so the exchange contains mutual disclosure. Let each person reveal themselves rather than turning it into an interview.
- 4
Follow the answer
Ask why the answer matters, what it feels like, or what the person wants next. Use the response to move from a generic prompt to their particular experience.
Pro tip A good follow-up is more important than rushing to the next listed question.
Watch out Do not treat completion of the list as the goal.
- 5
Deepen at the right pace
Allow greater vulnerability to emerge as comfort grows. Stop short of questions that feel intrusive for the stage of the relationship.
Watch out Jumping to deep talk too quickly can push people away.
In the wild
Brooks often asks, 'What are you excited about lately?' She says the answer reveals what is top of mind and naturally supports follow-ups about how the person might pursue it or receive help.
→ One broad prompt opens a personalized line of conversation.
Bartlett described inviting a girl to try the original question exercise by presenting it as a game he had just seen. They completed the questions, and he says the experience taught him that vulnerability can open connection.
→ The exercise gave both participants permission to disclose more than ordinary small talk would.
Common mistakes
Firing through the list
The questions are openings; connection depends on listening and following the answers.
Making disclosure one-sided
Brooks describes going back and forth rather than placing one person under interrogation.
Ignoring the setting
Personal questions require consent and pacing appropriate to the relationship and social norms.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for new acquaintances, prospective friends, dates, or classmates who are willing to take turns sharing.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal when the setting discourages personal questions or when the other person does not want to participate.
From the transcript
“an exercise I do in my class called 10 Questions to Fall in Like instead of love”
“You have to actually listen to what the person says and ask follow-up questions”
From the episode
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