The Three Ps of Preventive Parenting
Build security through presence, prioritization, and prevention
- Difficulty
- Advanced
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 96%
Erica Komisar organizes her parenting mission around three connected ideas: presence, prioritization, and prevention. Presence means being physically available and emotionally responsive, especially during the developmental periods she identifies as zero to three and adolescence. Prioritization means examining whether work, status, convenience, or other pursuits repeatedly displace a child's needs. Prevention means looking upstream at attachment, stress, and family dynamics rather than waiting to respond only after symptoms appear. Used as a review cycle, the framework asks parents to identify the child's current needs, compare those needs with the family's actual use of time, and change routines before disconnection becomes entrenched. Komisar presents this as her clinical perspective, not as a substitute for individualized medical or psychological care.
Origin
Extracted from The Diary of a CEO
Core principles
- 01Children need physical and emotional presence
- 02Family priorities become visible through time allocation
- 03Prevention begins before symptoms become crises
How to run it
- 1
Establish presence
Create enough physical availability to notice when the child needs connection. Pair availability with attention rather than being present but emotionally checked out.
Pro tip Pay particular attention to spontaneous moments when the child initiates contact.
Watch out Do not treat scheduled quality time as a complete substitute for ongoing availability.
- 2
Reorder priorities
Compare stated family values with the calendar, workload, travel, and evening habits. Reduce commitments that repeatedly crowd out the child's needs where circumstances allow.
Pro tip Review material and career trade-offs jointly with a partner or support network.
Watch out Economic and caregiving constraints differ; avoid turning the review into blame.
- 3
Act preventively
Notice stress, withdrawal, aggression, or relationship strain early and investigate the context around it. Seek appropriate parent guidance or clinical support rather than assuming one cause.
Pro tip Ask what changed at home, school, or in relationships before jumping to a solution.
Watch out Do not delay urgent professional help when a child may be at risk.
In the wild
A parent notices that an adolescent briefly comes out to eat after school but retreats before the parent finishes work. The family protects that short window, reduces distractions, and lets the teenager initiate conversation rather than demanding a formal catch-up later.
→ The parent becomes available on the child's timing and creates more opportunities for connection.
Common mistakes
Confusing presence with proximity
Being in the same room while distracted does not provide the emotional responsiveness the framework calls for.
Waiting for a crisis
Treating prevention as symptom management misses the framework's emphasis on examining stress and relationships earlier.
Is it for you?
Best for
Parents reviewing how family routines support connection during early childhood or adolescence.
Not ideal for
Acute mental-health crises that require assessment by a qualified clinician.
From the transcript
“I like to think of it as three P's, presence, prioritization, and prevention.”
“You have to be physically and emotionally present for them throughout childhood”
From the episode
Child Attachment Expert: Hidden Dangers Of Daycare, It Might Be Causing Future Issues For Your Kid! Birth Rates Are Plummeting & Its Terrifying! Dr Erica Komisar