Three-Word Respect Rule
Lower needless friction with please, thank you, and excuse me
- Difficulty
- Starter
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 95%
The Three-Word Respect Rule uses three ordinary phrases—please, thank you, and excuse me—as a repeatable friction-reduction tool. Say excuse me before entering someone's space or interrupting, use please when asking for cooperation, and thank people when they help. The mechanism is recognition: these words signal that the other person's time, space, and agency matter. Franzese says his father taught him the rule before prison, where people could be highly sensitive to disrespect, and he credits it with helping him avoid problems. The framework does not guarantee safety or replace boundaries. It is a low-cost default for making routine interactions less adversarial.
Origin
Franzese says his father gave him the three-word rule before prison: please, thank you, and excuse me.
Core principles
- 01Small courtesies acknowledge another person's dignity
- 02Ask before crossing a boundary or taking precedence
- 03Thank people for ordinary acts of help
- 04Use courtesy consistently rather than only with powerful people
How to run it
- 1
Notice the boundary
Pause when you are about to interrupt, pass someone, take a turn, or ask for help. Recognize that the interaction affects another person.
- 2
Ask courteously
Use excuse me to open the interaction and please to make the request. Leave room for the person to respond.
Pro tip Keep the request specific and brief.
Watch out Polite wording does not create consent.
- 3
Acknowledge the response
Say thank you when the person helps or accommodates the request. Maintain the same courtesy regardless of status.
In the wild
Franzese recalls being told not to move ahead of someone without first asking and using courteous language. He contrasts this with prisoners who tried to assert status and says he personally avoided problems by treating people respectfully.
→ He reports that routine courtesy helped him avoid interpersonal conflict in prison.
Common mistakes
Using polite words with a hostile tone
The phrase loses its friction-reducing effect when delivery communicates contempt or entitlement.
Treating courtesy as permission
A polite request can still be refused, and the other person's boundary must remain meaningful.
Is it for you?
Best for
Everyday interactions, especially in crowded, stressful, or status-sensitive environments.
Not ideal for
Situations where courtesy language would substitute for consent, safety boundaries, or direct action against misconduct.
From the transcript
“three words that are going to go a long way please thank you excuse me”
“be cordial”
From the episode
Former Mafia Boss: "I Was Running The Biggest Scam In The World! $1.4 Million A Day!" - Michael Franzese