Two-Column Self-Worth Audit
Find evidence of worth that does not depend on work metrics
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 99%
In response to Bartlett's description of work and self-esteem being tightly linked, Gottlieb offers a two-column exercise. The first column records qualities other people appreciate about you that have nothing to do with work. The second records non-work qualities you appreciate about yourself that others may not see. The entries should be small and specific: calling someone who was ill, making people laugh, remaining calm under stress, noticing a partner, or being kind to a stranger. The exercise does not remove work as a valid source of pride. It creates additional evidence so public numbers, productivity, and professional success are not the only deposits in the self-worth account. Repeated noticing is the mechanism that makes quieter qualities more available.
Origin
Gottlieb says she and her podcast co-host use this practical two-column exercise with people whose worth is concentrated in work.
Core principles
- 01Work can contribute to worth without carrying all of it
- 02Other people may notice qualities you overlook
- 03Private qualities matter even when nobody rewards them
- 04Small acts are legitimate deposits in a broader self-worth account
How to run it
- 1
Create two columns
Label one column what others appreciate and the other what I appreciate privately. Exclude professional achievements from both.
Pro tip Use paper or a persistent note you can revisit.
- 2
Borrow others' eyes
List qualities friends, family, or a partner would value in you outside work. Anchor each quality in a small remembered action.
Pro tip If stuck, ask what someone thanks you for.
- 3
Name private value
List qualities you value in yourself even when nobody sees or rewards them. Include quiet responses under ordinary conditions.
Pro tip Notice restraint, attention, humour, steadiness, and kindness.
- 4
Track deposits
Add specific non-work evidence as it occurs. Let work remain one column in the wider account rather than deleting it from your identity.
Pro tip Record one small deposit daily for a week.
Watch out Do not turn the exercise into another performance leaderboard.
In the wild
Gottlieb invites Bartlett to notice qualities such as making people laugh, staying calm during stress, noticing his partner, or doing kind things, rather than seeing only millions of followers or podcast downloads.
→ His evidence of worth can become less concentrated in public work metrics.
Common mistakes
Turning it into achievement tracking
The exercise fails if every entry becomes another metric to maximize or display.
Erasing work completely
Gottlieb says the goal is both-and: work may provide worth, but other areas should also count.
Is it for you?
Best for
High achievers whose self-esteem rises and falls almost entirely with work performance.
Not ideal for
Treating a worksheet as a substitute for professional support during depression, crisis, or severe work-related impairment.
From the transcript
“there's two columns”
“we also want to know that we have other areas in which we are worthy”
From the episode
The Relationship Therapist: "This Statistically Is The Best Age To Get Married So You Don't Get A Divorce!", "Men Should Not Split The Bill", "80% Of Women Want Men Over 6ft When Only 15% Are 6ft!"