Want vs Want-To-Want
Separate what you truly want from what you only want to be the kind of person who wants
- Difficulty
- Starter
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 90%
A subtle but liberating distinction: often we don't actually want something — we want to want it. We think we should want it, so we go around saying we want it (the six-pack, the bigger social numbers, learning Italian), and then feel like unmotivated failures when we don't do it. Forleo, who felt she 'should' be making videos to be a real change-maker, realised she just didn't want to — she'd rather write books and live her life. The move is to admit honestly when a goal is really 'someone else's', which stops the self-torture and frees you to pursue what you genuinely want. It pairs with the can't-vs-won't test.
Origin
Forleo and her best friend laughed at how much pressure she'd put on herself over goals she only thought she should want, like being bigger on social media.
Core principles
- 01We often want to want something rather than wanting it.
- 02'Should want' usually means it's someone else's goal.
- 03Admitting you don't want it stops the self-punishment.
- 04Honesty about desire frees energy for what you truly want.
How to run it
- 1
Notice the recurring 'I should want this'
Spot the goal you keep declaring but never act on.
- 2
Ask: do I want it, or want to want it?
Be honest about whether the desire is genuine or just an image of the person you think you should be.
Watch out Watch for goals absorbed from society, family or comparison.
- 3
Release it or recommit
If it's 'want to want', let it go without shame; if it's genuine, pursue it properly.
In the wild
Told she'd be a bigger change-maker if she made social videos, Forleo realised she only wanted to want that; she'd rather write books and create programs.
→ Admitting it stopped the self-torture and let her lead with what she actually values.
Common mistakes
Chasing borrowed goals
Pursuing what you think you should want produces repeated failure and self-blame, when the honest answer is you never wanted it.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone repeatedly failing at a goal and calling themselves unmotivated.
Not ideal for
Genuinely wanted goals that simply need better systems, not abandonment.
From the transcript
“we want to want something we want to have the motivation to do the thing we want to want it”
From the episode
World Leading Life Coach: 3 Steps To Figuring Out ANYTHING You Want: Marie Forleo
World Leading Life Coach