Weekly Love Review
Turn appreciation and repair into a five-minute weekly relationship practice
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 99%
James Sexton proposes a weekly relationship-maintenance ritual built around short, specific written reflections. The minimum version is to tell a partner three different things you love about them each week. His advanced version adds three things they did that made you feel loved, plus honest reflection on what either person could have done better; he also suggests ending with something playful. The mechanism is repeated attention: partners practice noticing what is working while giving small problems a regular place to surface before they become a larger distance. Sexton recommends writing when verbal intimacy feels too pressurised. He presents the exercise as a systematic practice, not a guarantee that a relationship will last, and argues that the initial awkwardness is preferable to avoiding connection altogether.
Origin
Extracted from The Diary of a CEO
Core principles
- 01Regular attention helps counter small disconnections
- 02Specific appreciation is more useful than assumed appreciation
- 03Written reflection can lower the pressure of vulnerable conversation
- 04Improvement belongs beside affection rather than replacing it
- 05Temporary discomfort can protect long-term connection
How to run it
- 1
Schedule the review
Choose one recurring point each week and protect a few minutes for the exercise. Use a note, email, or text if speaking spontaneously creates too much pressure.
Pro tip Keep the first attempt small enough that both people can repeat it.
Watch out Do not spring the exercise on a partner during an existing argument.
- 2
Name three things you love
Write three specific things you appreciate about your partner. Choose different observations each week rather than recycling a fixed compliment.
Pro tip Use recent behaviour or a distinctive quality so the appreciation feels observed.
- 3
Recall feeling loved
Identify three moments from the week when your partner's actions made you feel loved or connected. Explain the effect instead of merely listing the action.
Pro tip Small messages and ordinary gestures count.
Watch out Do not turn this section into a test your partner was never told about.
- 4
Invite improvement
Share what you could have done better and invite your partner to identify what they needed more or less of. Keep the feedback about observable moments rather than attacking character.
Pro tip Lead with your own contribution to make repair easier.
Watch out Do not use the ritual to store up accusations for a weekly ambush.
- 5
Close warmly
End with affection, gratitude, or a playful observation that fits the relationship. The closing reminder is that the exercise serves connection rather than scoring.
Watch out Playfulness should be mutually welcome, not used to dismiss difficult feedback.
In the wild
While describing the advanced exercise, Sexton gives the example of recalling a message from a partner and explaining that it made him feel soft and loved. The value lies in naming both the action and its emotional effect.
→ A small act becomes visible evidence of how the partners create connection for each other.
When the host imagines a partner cringing at verbal intimacy, Sexton recommends writing the reflections instead. The format lowers performance pressure without removing the request for specific appreciation.
→ The couple can practise vulnerable communication in a less pressurised form.
Common mistakes
Keeping the praise generic
Repeating broad compliments avoids the practice of noticing what the partner actually did or expressed that week.
Using feedback as prosecution
Character attacks and accumulated grievances turn a maintenance ritual into the threatening event it is meant to prevent.
Quitting because it feels awkward
Sexton compares early discomfort to soreness after returning to exercise; stopping immediately prevents the practice from becoming familiar.
Is it for you?
Best for
Couples willing to spend a few minutes each week on specific appreciation and candid, low-stakes feedback.
Not ideal for
It is not a substitute for professional support where conversations are unsafe, coercive, or persistently destructive.
From the transcript
“Once a week, I think here's the advanced version, but minimum just write down, send an email, send a text, whatever it is, tell your…”
“Here's three things you did this week that made me feel loved.”
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