Yours, Mine, and Ours
Define financial boundaries together before conflict chooses them for you
- Difficulty
- Advanced
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 93%
Using M&M's, Sexton visualises a relationship's finances as three buckets: yours, mine, and ours. The framework begins by inventorying what each person brings, then explicitly deciding what remains separate, what becomes joint, and how jointly held property would be treated. The conversation also tests foreseeable changes, including children, unequal earnings, and one partner reducing financially focused work. Its mechanism is advance rule-setting: make decisions while the couple feels connected rather than after a breakup creates opposing incentives. Sexton advocates prenups, but the reusable framework is the structured conversation rather than any universal legal result. Property and support law varies by jurisdiction, and some legal claims in the discussion are not established within the transcript, so each partner should obtain qualified, independent advice before relying on an agreement.
Origin
Extracted from The Diary of a CEO
Core principles
- 01A couple should discuss financial rules while goodwill is high
- 02Separate and shared property need explicit definitions
- 03Both partners deserve financial safety
- 04Future scenarios can change what feels fair
- 05Local legal advice determines whether an agreement works
How to run it
- 1
Inventory the starting point
List the assets, liabilities, businesses, income interests, and other material commitments each person brings. Establish facts before negotiating categories.
Pro tip Use the same disclosure standard for both partners.
Watch out An agreement built on incomplete disclosure may fail legally or relationally.
- 2
Create three buckets
Define the intended meaning of yours, mine, and ours. Decide which current and future items belong in each category.
Pro tip Include liabilities as well as assets.
Watch out Do not assume labels alone create an enforceable legal boundary.
- 3
Define movement between buckets
Agree how money or property may become joint and how future contributions will be recorded. Make transfers deliberate rather than accidental.
Pro tip Discuss bonuses, business growth, joint accounts, and major purchases explicitly.
Watch out Legal treatment of mixing assets varies by jurisdiction.
- 4
Model future lives
Test the proposed rules against plausible scenarios such as children, care responsibilities, career changes, unequal earnings, or separation. Ask what each person would need to feel financially safe.
Pro tip Distinguish fairness today from fairness after a major shared-life change.
Watch out Do not pressure a partner to trade long-term security for proof of love.
- 5
Use independent counsel
Have qualified local lawyers explain the applicable law and advise each partner independently. Convert the shared intentions into a properly documented agreement where appropriate.
Pro tip Start early enough that neither person is negotiating under wedding-day pressure.
Watch out The podcast discussion is not legal advice and does not establish what a court will enforce.
In the wild
Sexton separates M&M's into individual and shared groups, then shows how the groups can become mixed over time. He uses the visual to argue for explicitly deciding what belongs to each partner and what belongs to the couple.
→ An abstract legal and financial discussion becomes a concrete conversation about categories and intentional transfers.
The host says he earns more and expects that a larger future family could change what his fiancée needs. Sexton responds that a prenup can account for different scenarios, including whether the couple has children, rather than treating one static arrangement as fair forever.
→ The couple's rule set can be evaluated against foreseeable changes in contribution and financial dependence.
Common mistakes
Treating discussion as distrust
Sexton argues that avoiding the conversation leaves default legal rules in place rather than eliminating rules.
Negotiating only for today's life
A static split may ignore how children, care, or career sacrifices change contribution and vulnerability.
Assuming the podcast states the law
The conversation includes broad jurisdictional claims without supporting authority; enforceability and property rules require current local advice.
Is it for you?
Best for
Engaged or cohabiting couples considering a prenup or another formal agreement about separate and shared finances.
Not ideal for
It is not a do-it-yourself legal instrument, and the episode's jurisdiction-specific remarks should not replace current local legal advice.
From the transcript
“A prenup is a rule set. It's creating tranches.”
“All we're doing when we have a prenup is yours, mine, ours, and we're defining that.”
From the episode
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