Childhood Pattern Reverse Engineering
Trace a recurring adult response to its roots, then interrupt the pattern
- Difficulty
- Advanced
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 90%
Adesanya connects his adult people-pleasing tendency with trying to fit in after moving from Nigeria to New Zealand. He describes years of reflection and therapy as a process of working backward: notice the recurring attitude or behaviour, ask why it appears, and explore where it may have been learned. The mechanism is awareness followed by interruption. Once he recognizes the old people-pleasing response, he says he can identify it and stop it rather than automatically obeying it. This is a personal reflection method, not a diagnostic or clinical treatment protocol. Its transferable value is in turning a vague dislike of one's behaviour into a specific pattern, trigger, possible origin, and alternative response, with professional support where appropriate.
Origin
Adesanya describes recognizing that trying to fit in after immigrating had trained him to appease other people, a pattern he later examined through self-reflection and therapy.
Core principles
- 01A once-protective response can become an unhelpful adult habit
- 02Naming a pattern makes it easier to notice in real time
- 03Repeated questions can reveal where a response began
- 04Insight matters when it supports a different response
How to run it
- 1
Name the pattern
Describe the repeated behaviour in neutral, concrete terms. Focus on what you do rather than assigning yourself a fixed identity.
Pro tip Use a recent example instead of a broad label.
Watch out Do not turn reflection into self-diagnosis.
- 2
Map the trigger
Identify the situation, person, feeling, or perceived threat that tends to activate the response.
Pro tip Notice what happened immediately before the reaction.
- 3
Work backward
Ask what the behaviour is trying to achieve and where that strategy may have been learned. Treat the answer as a hypothesis to explore, not a proven diagnosis.
Pro tip A qualified therapist can help examine difficult material safely.
Watch out Memory and interpretation can be incomplete.
- 4
Catch it live
Practice recognizing the pattern when it reappears, before it determines the next action.
Pro tip Give the pattern a short name that you can recall quickly.
- 5
Choose the replacement
Respond according to current values and circumstances rather than the old protective strategy. Review what happened and keep practising.
Pro tip Choose one small alternative behaviour you can repeat.
Watch out Change may be gradual even after the pattern becomes clear.
In the wild
Adesanya says trying to fit in as a child led him to appease people, including doing things he did not want to do for social approval. Through reflection, he came to recognize that response when it resurfaced in adulthood.
→ He says he can now identify the pattern and stop it more quickly instead of automatically following it.
Common mistakes
Treating a hypothesis as a diagnosis
A plausible childhood connection is a starting point for careful exploration, not proof of a clinical condition or a complete causal account.
Stopping at insight
Understanding a possible origin does not change the pattern unless it helps create a different response when the trigger returns.
Is it for you?
Best for
People who repeatedly notice reactions such as appeasing others despite knowing those reactions no longer serve them.
Not ideal for
Self-diagnosing trauma or replacing qualified mental-health care when distress is severe, persistent, or unsafe.
From the transcript
“It's like reverse engineering, like where does that come from?”
“I'm able to identify that monster now.”
From the episode
Israel Adesanya: Becoming World Champion Was The Lowest Day Of My Life