Define and Measure Your Values
Find your actual values, translate each into an observable behaviour, and measure whether you are living them.
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 85%
Peters says living out your values is the only thing he has ever seen that gives peace of mind — but you have to find them first, and most people do not know what theirs are. He also finds people routinely muddle what is valuable with what is a value. The method is therefore three-part: define the values, translate each abstract value into a specific observable behaviour, then measure how well you are living it. It is deliberately unglamorous — he sets it as a written exercise — and it is what he offers as the Human-driven alternative to being driven by emotion, status or proving something.
Origin
It comes from Peters' repeated observation across both extremes of the financial spectrum — people struggling with money and the extraordinarily wealthy — that behind locked doors people describe an emptiness, sacrificing things that matter to them, and wanting meaning, purpose and to be able to live by their values. He set it as an exercise in his book so people could work it out themselves.
Core principles
- 01Living out your values is the only reliable route to peace of mind Peters has found.
- 02Most people do not know what their values are, so definition is a real step, not a formality.
- 03What is valuable and what is a value are different things, and people muddle them.
- 04An undefined value cannot be lived; it has to be translated into a behaviour you can observe.
- 05Values-driven ambition survives the loss of the goal; emotion-driven ambition does not.
How to run it
- 1
Write out your values
Peters gives this as a written exercise: work out your values. He separates it explicitly from listing what is valuable — possessions, money, status — which is what people default to.
Pro tip It sits naturally after the blank-piece-of-paper exercise; the character list points at the values underneath it.
Watch out Peters says most people do not even know what their values are, so expect this to take real work rather than one minute.
- 2
Translate each value into a specific demonstrable behaviour
Ask how you would actually demonstrate it. Peters' worked example is respect: most people put down respect for others, and when asked how they would demonstrate it, say they do not know. He offers one concrete answer — listening to someone, wanting to get their point of view, not judging them. You may not agree, and you would be polite in saying so, but you listened and you respected their view.
Pro tip One clear behaviour per value is enough to start; there are many ways to demonstrate any given value.
Watch out A value with no behaviour attached cannot be tested and therefore cannot be lived deliberately.
- 3
Measure it on a set cadence
Peters says to test it weekly. Start listening to people, and at the end of the day judge whether that was respectful. The measurement is what converts a stated value into a lived one — and he warns it is not as easy as you think.
Pro tip Measuring also recruits the Chimp, which does not like to fail and will get behind a visible tracker.
- 4
Keep perspective so the value does not become a tyrant
Peters guards the exercise against workaholism. Living a value must not slide into 'the more I do, the better I am'. He uses his tiddlywinks phrase — put it in perspective, do it with passion, but be able to laugh at it — and insists on also looking after yourself.
Pro tip Peters tells athletes life is tiddlywinks, but let's do it with a passion — and if we make a bad move, be able to laugh.
Watch out If it becomes something you must do every day or you are failing, it has become the devil rather than a value.
In the wild
Peters says most people write down respect for others as a value they really hold. When he asks how they would demonstrate it, they say they do not know. He offers listening: wanting to get someone's point of view, not judging them, being polite in disagreement but genuinely hearing them — then testing it weekly.
→ Peters says people who work with him this way end up with high self-esteem, because the value has become something they can observe themselves living rather than something they merely claim.
Peters returns to a former patient whose self-esteem was rebuilt by caring for a ward bird table and cat and who later worked at an animal centre. Bartlett asks whether that job could itself become a negative — a source of worthiness she cannot leave.
→ Peters agrees anything can, which is why the value has to be named and put in perspective. If her value is being altruistic and she is living it by helping animals, that gives peace of mind — but she also needs something else alongside it so it does not become the thing she has to do every day or be failing.
Bartlett describes the period when he was driven by money and status after growing up as the only black family in the neighbourhood, the poor family with the smashed-up house. He worked seven days a week and sacrificed relationships, friendships and social connection, believing it was a noble cause because it would make him rich.
→ He describes the result as an emptiness, and unsustainable — he could see himself heading to a bad place, having watched friends end up on medication with panic attacks and drinking too much. Peters' response is not to condemn the drive but to ask whether the Human could drive it instead of emotion: by your values, deciding what is genuinely valuable to you — which can include earning money and helping people — so that you do not lose the force when the proving stops.
Common mistakes
Confusing what is valuable with what you value
Peters says people muddle them up, which is why he defines them separately. Listing possessions, money or achievements as values produces a life plan built on what the Chimp hangs self-esteem on.
Stating a value without a behaviour
Asked how they would demonstrate respect, people say they do not know. An undemonstrated value cannot be measured, so nothing changes and the exercise stays decorative.
Letting a value turn into workaholism
Peters names this directly — do you keep helping more and more, work seven days a week, and never leave the animal sanctuary? The correction is perspective and looking after yourself, not more of the value.
Hanging self-esteem on achievement instead of values
Peters says putting your self-esteem on what you achieve, who you are, how people perceive you or what you own is what the Chimp does — and it is not sound, because you keep going and behind locked doors you know it is superficial.
Is it for you?
Best for
High achievers who have hit the emptiness Peters describes behind locked doors, and anyone whose drive is powered by proving something and who fears losing the drive if the wound heals.
Not ideal for
People who are genuinely content with an achievement-driven life — Peters is explicit that it is not for him to tell them to change.
From the transcript
“I think this is the only thing that I've ever seen that gives peace of mind and that's to live out your values but you…”
“people muddle up what's valuable and what's value they muddle them up so I try to define that clearly”
“one way you could demonstrate respect is by listening to someone by thinking I want to get their point of view because that's respectful not…”
“at the end of the day when you're back in your own house in your own room you're living with yourself ... if you can…”
From the episode
The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters
The Mindset Doctor