Gremlins and Goblins
Sort damaging beliefs into the ones you can remove and the ones you can only box in — and stop punishing yourself over the second kind.
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 90%
Peters coined this distinction to stop well-meaning people from grinding themselves down trying to change things that cannot be changed. A gremlin is a belief or experience you can process and actually get rid of. A goblin is something that has genuinely damaged the circuits — often from very early trauma — and will keep raising its head for life. The prescription is deliberately two-track: always try to process and remove first, but when something keeps coming back, stop treating recurrence as failure, accept it will appear, and learn to box it so it has no impact on your life today. Peters compares it to a virus in a computer system: you accept the damage, you box it in, and if it raises its head you mop it up again.
Origin
Peters introduced the terminology after years training doctors, clinical psychologists and nursing staff. He was distressed by watching well-meaning therapists trying to change something that could not be changed — he describes seeing a therapist crying because she could not change something — and wanted to give both clinicians and patients permission to stop.
Core principles
- 01Always try to process and remove first — never open with the assumption that it is a goblin.
- 02Recurrence is the diagnostic: if it keeps raising its head, stop putting pressure on the person.
- 03Damaged circuits are a neuroscience fact, not a failure of effort by patient or therapist.
- 04Accepting a goblin is not rolling over or accepting damaged goods.
- 05Time itself is a factor — the brain will try to repair emotional scars in its own time, and there is no normal grief, only normal grief for you.
How to run it
- 1
Try to process the event and remove it
Peters is emphatic that this is always the opening move. Try to process the event, try to move on, try to remove it. If you can get rid of low self-esteem, that is the best outcome and it is generally achievable.
Watch out Do not skip to acceptance. Peters says he is certainly not saying we should not try to get rid of it.
- 2
Watch whether it keeps raising its head
The classification is empirical, not theoretical. If it keeps coming back despite genuine work, treat it as a goblin — a damaged circuit — rather than as evidence that the person or the therapist is failing.
Pro tip Peters notes that trauma damage is more likely the younger the brain was, and the brain keeps developing to around 30 — with rationality maturing around 25 to 30.
Watch out It is not black and white. Some children experience abuse with no repercussions; it is probabilities, not certainties.
- 3
Take the pressure off and accept it will appear
Stop trying to force change that neuroscience says will not come. Peters tells the person they may always have moments of low self-esteem, and what they need to do is accept those moments are always going to appear.
Pro tip He also tells clinicians directly: do not beat yourself up if you are struggling with someone — you may be hitting the nail on the head and simply not able to move this person.
Watch out Peters is explicit that this is not rolling over and not writing the person off as damaged goods.
- 4
Learn to box it in and mop it up when it appears
When the goblin raises its head, put it in a box so it has no impact on your life today, then work forward from there. Peters likens it exactly to a virus in a computer system: you accept it has done damage, you box it in, and if it raises its head you mop it up again. He stresses this is itself a skill that has to be learned.
Pro tip Have a defined way of dealing with it in advance, then a route back onto a much more positive footing.
- 5
Keep trying to process once you are managing it
Managing comes first, but it does not close the door. Peters says try managing it first, and then if you can manage it, you might still try processing it — only now you are not defeated.
Pro tip Allow for time. The brain will try to repair emotional scars, and Peters gives roughly three months of intensity, twelve months still bad, and for some people ten years.
Watch out If grief or processing gets stuck, that is where clinicians come in — pathological grief is often a belief system in the Computer stopping you processing something.
In the wild
In his educational role training doctors, clinical psychologists and nursing staff, Peters repeatedly saw well-meaning therapists trying to change something that could not be changed. He describes one therapist crying because she could not change something, and being damaged by it — thinking there was something wrong with her.
→ That experience is why he introduced the gremlin/goblin terminology. His message to clinicians became: the circuit is damaged, so rather than trying to change it, learn to deal with it constructively, and do not put pressure on the person to achieve something that is probably never going to happen.
Peters describes working with parents who have lost a child, where there is no way back. His approach is to start by naming it: you are emotionally scarred, this is not going to go away, this is for life.
→ The frame he offers is that they will not get over it or come to terms with it, but they will learn to manage it — and he is explicit that managing and coming to terms with are different things, and that in his experience coming to terms with it is very hard.
Bartlett says that when he started the podcast he believed all early traumas could be eradicated with some form of therapy or treatment. After sitting with exceptional people with exceptional traumas, he noticed that even after all the therapy and everything else, some of the deeper, earlier traumas never seem to disappear.
→ His stance shifted to acknowledging there are instances where people simply cannot overcome certain things — arriving independently at Peters' goblin category.
Common mistakes
Trying to change something that cannot be changed
Peters saw this damage the therapists as much as the patients — clinicians concluding there was something wrong with them because a damaged circuit did not respond. The neuroscience, not the effort, was the limiting factor.
Reading acceptance as giving up
Peters repeatedly guards against this: he is not rolling over and not calling anyone damaged goods. Accepting that something will raise its head is what makes boxing it in possible.
Trying to fix a partner or family member
Bartlett extends the point and Peters agrees: people destroy relationships trying to change a loved one whose circuitry may be irreparably damaged, when managing it together would preserve the relationship.
Is it for you?
Best for
People who have done therapy or inner work and are demoralised that something keeps coming back, and clinicians, coaches or family members exhausted by trying to fix an immovable pattern.
Not ideal for
Anyone using it prematurely to avoid doing the processing work — the method requires a genuine attempt at removal first.
From the transcript
“a gremlin is a belief or an experience you can process and actually get rid of whereas a goblin is something which has really damaged…”
“let's learn if they do raise their heads let's learn how to put them in a box stop them from having impact in my life…”
“it's a bit like a virus in a computer system exactly the same we accept it's damaged but we can box it in and if…”
“let's try managing it first whatever's raising its head and then if we manage it then we might still try processing but now we're not…”
From the episode
The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters
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