Perfect Person Exercise
Define your chosen character before judging emotional interference
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 96%
Peters begins with a blank page and asks for the “perfect person” someone would choose to be. The answers must be character traits—such as compassion, honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, or respect—rather than achievements such as winning a medal or building a successful company. He then tests which traits are primary and treats the resulting list as a description of the person's deliberate values. When behaviour falls short, the exercise separates the intended standard from an emotional reaction: a rude moment does not automatically prove the person lacks compassion, but it does reveal a management failure that requires apology and change. The mechanism is a stable identity reference point. It reduces global self-condemnation while making the desired behaviour and responsibility for closing the gap more explicit.
Origin
Extracted from The Diary of a CEO
Core principles
- 01Chosen character traits reveal the person you intend to express
- 02Goals and achievements are different from character
- 03One poor reaction does not by itself redefine your values
- 04Values become useful when translated into observable behaviour
- 05Self-understanding must remain paired with accountability
How to run it
- 1
Clear the page
Put aside current roles, external expectations, and recent wins or mistakes. Begin with a blank description of character.
- 2
Name chosen traits
List the qualities you would deliberately embody if emotional interference were absent, such as honesty, compassion, or respect.
Pro tip Use words that describe how you treat people, not how impressive you appear.
- 3
Remove outcomes
Cross out achievements, recognition, and hoped-for results. Keep the traits that can guide conduct whether an outcome arrives or not.
Watch out Wanting success is not the same as defining character.
- 4
Test priorities
Use difficult trade-offs to discover which traits matter most. Peters asks whether being a good person or being successful would take priority if only one were possible.
- 5
Make traits observable
For each trait, state what it would look like during irritation, pressure, rejection, or conflict.
Pro tip Write one behaviour you can recognize in the moment.
- 6
Review and repair gaps
Compare a regretted response with the chosen standard. Correct the behaviour, apologize where appropriate, and preserve the standard rather than turning one lapse into a total identity verdict.
Watch out A values list has no force if it is used to dismiss a pattern of harm.
In the wild
Bartlett chooses empathy and compassion as character traits. Peters imagines him reacting sharply when a tired friend complains. The lapse conflicts with the standard, so the useful response is not “I am incapable of compassion,” but recognition, apology, and better management of the next reaction.
→ The trait remains a clear behavioural standard without excusing the lapse.
Common mistakes
Listing achievements
Winning, recognition, and impact are hoped-for outcomes. The exercise asks for character that can guide action regardless of results.
Turning a lapse into an identity
A single impatient response does not settle the whole question of character. Examine the gap and repair it instead of making a global verdict.
Claiming values without repair
A stated trait does not erase the impact of behaviour. Take responsibility and make the chosen value visible in subsequent action.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for people who struggle to state who they are beyond goals, roles, or their worst recent reaction.
Not ideal for
It is not a way to deny repeated harmful behaviour or avoid making concrete changes and repairs.
From the transcript
“write down the perfect person you want to be”
“what I'm really asking you for is you What are your character traits”
“You're always a compassionate guy who's trustworthy and honest”
From the episode
How To Take Full Control Of Your Mind: Prof. Steve Peters, The Chimp Paradox